20 October 2009

I Heard Dad's Building an Experimental Balloon Out in the Yard...

It should be apparent to anyone who has turned on the radio or the television in the last week: the hoax worked; kind of.
Having briefly been near enough the fountain of pop-culture immortality and since that day thirsting for more - even if it meant rolling the proverbial dice on the future of their children - these Americans made their move. The mastermind behind the scenes of the recent Balloon Hoax in Fort Collins, CO attempted to fool local officials and media into believing that his six-year-old son was trapped inside of an experimental balloon that he had been building near their home. No doubt now that the purpose of his amateur balloon venture was an attempt at forcing his family back into the once-meaningful "limelight" which has lost all of its influence in today's society. Pathetic excuse for a man. If possible jail time, and being interviewed on how you’re so moronic on national television for a week-or-so, was at the top of his list, his family has solidified itself for an insignificant amount of time in the ever-peripheral-view of a nation conceived - it feels today - in restlessness and a irreconcilable terministic compulsion. At least they’re getting more critical attention then they would have received with their participation in an all-too-obvious spin-off of "Jon and Kate Plus" Hate.
I posted a link to an article in the comments section below. Look at the “yeah, you wish you had thought to do this” smirk on Mrs. Heretoday-Threetofivetomorrow’s face; that’s the look of undeserved “success.” Of course they are cooperating with the authorities. That’s the only way they are going to be seen: once the gavel drops they will be forgotten like all the familial-suicides of the “information age.” At least there will be a repossessed house on the market for some chump who wants to get in on a piece of the residual spotlight at a fraction of the federal cost – HOT TIP!!!
Hey look there’s sumthin’ else on the talkie box Lynda!
Their Lawyer has already finished a promotional lap around the Dish Network: Mr. and Mrs. Ourneighbors, who actually think that the “reality” framed by network coverage of this fiasco will in some way give them something new and exciting to talk about until lights-out; and as a bonus, a warm feeling of contentment after watching due to their self-perceived "betterness." We are all going to find out that he has just recently gotten his practice back and that he jumped all over this opportunity – probably isn’t even being paid (in money).

At least have your stories worked out. Unfortunately, six-year-olds don’t have the ability to censor their thoughts and prevent them from becoming words. Kids say the darnedest things...

I’m not easily angered by stupid people, but these wonderful folks... something so special about them.

I'm holding out for the appearance of one or more of their sons on Intervention. Hopefully it takes a few years; fingers crossed. Good work my “fellow” Americans.

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